Sorry. I couldn’t resist that title, obvious though it is, because Michael Bay’s Transformers is comfortably the most shallow movie I’ve seen for a long time. It really is a most puzzling film – starting with exactly why it exists – and I’m not entirely sure I can figure it out entirely. I’m going to take a good try at it, though, so expect a SPOILER WARNING (although what exactly counts as a spoiler that wasn’t already shown in the trailers I’m not currently aware) for beyond the jump.

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