Category: Funny

Because any humour we can get out of this world is necessary.

Rockstar go for the win

~ Inquisitor

Now, I’ve written about the Bully/Canis Canem Edit “controversy” before. The game’s ‘out’ now, and it’s apparently OK (although it apparently has one of those terrible Stealth Missions that plague too many games right now). That’s not the point here, though.

What have Rockstar managed to get into the game that shouldn’t be controversial but somehow is? Well, they’ve built in a sideline teenage dating simulation that just so happens not to care about the sex of the kids doing the dating (which, of course, is something that you choose to do). So, of course, all the usual press is outraged at how Rockstar managed to get sexual content (well, kissing) into a ‘T’ rated game – missing the point that it’s mentioned on the back cover – and outraged about how your character could be gay or bi if you wanted him to be.

Wonderful. Now that’s comedy – this controversy is something I can entirely get behind Rockstar for, it’s entirely a player issue. It’s odd that this could well be the big issue of the game, though, when it’s the only real one Rockstar’s right on (and The Sims can do exactly the same thing), but that’s the press for you.

Daily Star ignorant; sun comes up in morning

~ Inquisitor

Courtesy Media Guardian (free registration may be required):

The Daily Star last night pulled a page that mocked Muslim law by turning the tabloid into the “Daily Fatwa” following a newsroom revolt.

Well, doesn’t sound too promising from the title; sounds suspiciously like someone’s trying to be funny and failing miserably. Any details?

The page included a “Page 3 burqa babes special” showing a woman in a niqab, as part of a feature billed as “How your favourite paper would look under Muslim law”.

The page also contained a blank editorial stamped with the words “censored” and “Allah is great” while across the top of the page were the words “no news no goss no fun”.

A competition told readers to “Burn a flag and win a Corsa”, while a picture of the US president, George Bush, was accompanied by a caption “death to infidels”.

Oh dear. Not going into the complexities of Islamic law, but it does vary heavily based on religious interpretation; viz-a-viz the differences between Taliban-controlled Afghanistan at one end and the UAE on the other. Yesterday’s Guardian had a fine article in G2 by Zaiba Malik, who wore the niqab (Taliban-style one-fit full-cover garment) for the day, experienced the usual racism and despite trying hard didn’t find anyone else wearing it; she points out Quranic verses defending her non-niqab position.

One can safely surmise that whoever did write the Star article was, at the very least, a total fool, but glad to see that Star journos had the sense to use the union to right the wrong. It sounds very much like poor inaccurate stereotyping of the sort that simply pisses people off and gladdens the hearts of racists and other idiots. There are many valid reasons to criticise fundamentalist Islam, many of them the same as the reasons I criticise fundamentalist Christianity, but these aren’t them.

Chris de Burgh – the new David Icke!

~ Inquisitor

No, really:

The 57-year-old, who is best known for his hit The Lady in Red, told TV host Gloria Hunniford of his gift.

During an interview on her religious show Heaven and Earth he confided: “I have found myself able to cure people with my hands.

“I met someone in the West Indies who was not able to walk. I put my hands on him and he was able to get up.”

Chris de Burgh? CHRIS DE BURGH?  The man who inflicted “Lady in Red” on us all can apparently cure people, instead of causing everlasting pain as it appears he usually does? Yeah, right.

What’s worse is that he’s actually apparently serious about this – according to a poster on the DVD Forums, he turned up on Aled Jones’s Radio 2 show and claimed he was surrounded by angels that protected him.

The last word on the subject, thankfully, will be provided by Bill Bailey via the medium of Youtube video:

South West Trains have some bloody cheek

~ Inquisitor ~ 16 Comments

Anyone who’s ever had the misfortune to travel on South West Trains will have been rather aggrieved that they were allowed to keep their franchise, despite being one of the worst performing train companies in the country and despite the fact that many better performing franchises have had theirs taken away (eg. the National Express Scotrail franchise, which was awarded as best in the country a couple of times and still had their franchise taken away and given to First). They also have a big overcrowding issue: they control several of the big commuter routes into London and commuters loathe them (check out that “Megaplaint” Word document – wow!)

So what have they thought of to solve overcrowding? Bear in mind that SWT have brought in new trains that suck even compared to the new trains on other British lines. This is something they could, of course, have forseen, since it has been the most heavily overcrowded train company ever since its inception. What have they thought of?

They’re ripping out the seats.

Does Brian Souter have blackmail material on Blair or something? Honestly.

Good news, and follow-ups

~ Inquisitor ~ 1 Comment

In the good news, Jim Davidson has been declared bankrupt because he won’t pay his tax bill (serves him right for living in Dubai, not to mention being a racist, sexist little shit).

If you delve deep into the BBC Europe site, however, you find some much worse news relating to the League of Polish Families (UKIP’s bunk-mates in the European Parliament), a seriously dodgy ultra-ultra-Catholic political party which has an unfortunately large role in the current Polish government. One of the party’s founders said the following at a Europarl commemoration of 70 years since the Spanish Civil War:

Thanks to the Spanish army and Franco the communist attack on Catholic Spain was thwarted. The presence of such people in European politics as Franco guaranteed the maintenance of traditional values in Europe and we lack such statesmen today. Christian Europe is losing against atheistic socialists today and this has to change.

[BBC News, “Europe diary: Franco and Finland”]

Wow! And he has the cheek to call other people “revisionists”. Those people who Franco made disappear would probably differ on that one, but hey. “Atheistic socialists”? Give me a break.

One would suspect Jesus wouldn’t have appealed much to him.

Good news, everybody!

~ Inquisitor

Years have passed and millions of DVD box sets have been sold, and Futurama has remained cancelled. Family Guy has been revived (and is still very much OK) but us Futurama fans have been left unsatiated.

Until, according to the New York Post and John DiMaggio, now.

A 13-episode series.

Sweet Zombie Jesus! Fox have finally done something right for a change, even if it is just selling the show to Comedy Central. Should at least mean it'll come out on DVD, though.

I like Derren Brown more already

~ Inquisitor

He's managed to piss off Derek Acorah (fake psychic wanker on LivingTV's unaccountably popular Most Haunted) by apparently saying the following…

If I die, I'd like to haunt Derek – I hate everything he stands for.

[Admittedly according to the Sun, via the Guardian media diary.]

Me too, Derren, me too.

Watch Eurovision. 8PM.

~ Inquisitor

Just you wait until you see Finland's entry. (That is, if you haven't already been spoiled by the news or Eurovision's website.) Just you wait…

Shame about ours, which is the first single of ours to actually deserve nul-points for a long time (and so, of course, will score big), but that's life.