Error messages of our times: #1

iTunes error message

Today was the day of the iTunes Plus launch. It’s a silly name for a great idea – an easy to use, consumer designed music download service without the DRM hassle, downloading nice enough bitrate AAC files for decent enough prices (especially on certain box sets, the famous iTunes loophole). Sadly, it seems like they’ve underestimated demand somewhat. Currently the iTunes search engine is screwed, returning no results for queries where I know the artist in question is on the ITMS (like The Knife), but audio clips are playing perfectly fine if very slowly. And the service is cutting in and out with errors like the one to the right; I’ve never used ITMS before, but I doubt that’s normal.

It’s amazing what being customer centred can do for your potential audience, isn’t it?

Edit: Noticed a neat DRM-free bargain: Wire’s Pink Flag, Chairs Missing and 154 all-in for £10.99. Even though they’ve apparently confused the latter two, this is an absolute bargain compared to what these sell for in the shops.

Eurovision 2007 – “we deserved nul points” edition

But sadly Ireland (7pts) and Malta (the full twelve) rescued Scooch from total ignominy. Of course, we didn’t give Ireland any points in return so I bet they’re regretting that now.

We had the worst song. Even that Ukrainian drag act, the French’s inexplicable Parisian routine and the Latvian’s Il Divo clone were better than ours. Only the Irish stereotype number dragged itself to our level. Sure, Cyndi wouldn’t have won either, but we’d probably have ended up closer to mid table. (Much as it pains me to say it, the Big Brovaz number would probably have done best out of our lot – generoballads didn’t do well this year.)

This was my Twitter reaction when watching:

  • 21:21:26: Much as it it pains me to say this, this is our entry: Scooch, with “Flying The Flag (For You)”.
  • 21:22:34: At least they’re in tune. They’ve never managed it before.
  • 21:23:15: They’ve kept the godawful salted-nuts type puns in, which are *dreadful*.
  • 21:24:12: Oh God. “Pleasurable journey” with crotch movements. Why couldn’t this not have been our entry?
  • 21:24:45: And here it comes, the worst pun of all – “suck on for landing”. NUL… POINTS! NUL… POINTS!

It was a poor joke to begin with, and the godawful tuneless “would you like something to suck on?” bits sealed it; people just ended up confused about what they were watching. What was worse was that it didn’t have a tune – to pick up those Europeans who don’t understand English innuendo (like Lithuania’s “We Are The Winners Of Eurovision” song did last year – it ended up coming sixth). They grated in Making Your Mind Up, and I thought they were awful then; this was magnified when I saw clips of their out-of-tune rehearsals on news programmes and boosted to all new levels when I saw the final performance.

Peter Sissons on News 24 had to try and keep his obvious dislike of the song and disbelief that it was our entry out of his speech pattern when introducing the pre-contest reports; he failed miserably. He wasn’t the only one – Wogan at one point pointed out that “we deserve to come bottom four”, whilst complaining about “bloc voting”.

In fact, what’s interesting is that we’ve had eleven different winners for eleven contests since 1996 and telephone voting: including us (1997), Ireland (1996), Sweden (1999), Denmark (2000), Greece (2005) and Finland (2006) – all of which at least “think” Western Europe. That pretty much in itself disproves the Eastern Bloc voting theory – they may well all vote for each other, but that’s because they like the same sort of music and, what’s more, it’s not enough to win.

What wins is a song that people like. People liked Lordi. People liked the Serbian song this year: and, let’s face it, her song winning completely disproves the theory that people vote for Eurovision entries based on style. And the Ukrainian entry outdid us on comedy value – it actually felt hand-wrought and endearingly batty, while the Scooch song just felt like it was built on a camp assembly line. One of the men in the ‘band’ is a presenter on one of those Quiz Scam channels to pay the bills, and it’s that personality that came off the screen – made to a template of smarm.

People hated Scooch, hated Daz Sampson and hated everything we’ve put in since Katrina and the Waves. And I think it’s because they know that by putting that kind of entry in Eurovision, we’re patronising them – we think of Eurovision entries as if it was 1997, not 2007. They might not be very good at English lyrics but they have the same slick pop production values as us – if the Pet Shop Boys or Xenomania or Richard X were to produce a number for a Eurovision contender this year, they might at least have a chance. Hell, we should just get Robbie Williams to enter, he’s our most well known pop star on the Continent.

But this year’s Making Your Mind Up consisted entirely of washed-up failures and people who shouldn’t have been there – we’re looking third rate, but Eurovision demands first rate now (or at least a decent ripoff of first rate). It needs to change. Let’s have an entry we can be proud of for 2008 – we deserve one.

Eurovision 2007 – They’re not flying the flag for me!

So there’s the worst British entry to Eurovision for a very long time and a whole crowd of Eastern Europeans. Oh well, should be fun to watch. 25 minutes and counting – you may find my liveblogging results over at my Twitter for the time being (since Twitter’s a lot faster to update than wordpress.com is and is much more suited to a liveblog style.) I’ll be checking these comments and the DVD Forums too. Will Scooch sing as out of tune as they sound at the rehearsals? Will we get points? Do we deserve to? And will there be a surprise? Stay tuned!

Also liveblogging: All About Latvia (they linked to me so I’ll link to them.)

Feud of the year?

From the BBC: “Bloc Party blast ‘stupid’ Oasis“.

Rock group Oasis have “made stupidity hip”, according to the lead singer of indie band Bloc Party.

Lead singer Kele Okereke hit back after Liam Gallagher said Bloc Party were “a band off University Challenge”.

Okereke told Uncut magazine: “Why is it bad to better yourself? It is really daft to reinforce the idea that there is something cool about being dumb.”

Gallagher made his remarks in the NME two years ago, when he also called the Scissor Sisters “weirdos on stilts”.

Yes: two years ago. That’s some resentment building up there.

The thing is, though, Kele Okereke does have a point about the encouragement of dumb, but Oasis are the wrong target really; Pete Doherty would be the right target. I’ve used many of the same arguments against Oasis before, especially the one about their constantly infuriating Beatles comparisons, but they’re really not the problem anymore in the same way that Razorlight et al are; besides, they made two decent but highly overrated albums, which is more than Bloc Party have so far (with two patchy but highly overrated albums). Despite this, however, he gets a perfect little barb in:

Okereke responded by saying Oasis were “overrated”, although he admitted the University Challenge comment was “quite funny”.

“It probably would have been a lot more funny had he not used exactly the same words to describe Travis a couple of years ago,” he added.

Oh, yes. Now this is a rock feud to watch out for – the Gallaghers against someone who actually knows how best to insult them. Watch this space.

UK Eurovision 2007 – “Making Your Mind Up” time

[If you’re coming here looking for blogging for the actual Eurovision 2007 contest, go here to my Twitter page.] 

Eurovision is always a seriously guilty pleasure. There’s so many things wrong with it: the format, the style, the idea, the songs. And yet because of its capability to surprise and, often, the very fact it is so terrible, it’s compulsively watchable.

The UK, however, has been entering terrible songs into Eurovision for as long as I can remember, and not terrible in a fun way either. Partially it’s because we don’t take it seriously – many countries in Europe enter major names and popular songwriters, whereas we enter people no-one’s ever heard of. If Robbie Williams was to enter, he’d probably win; he’s certainly very popular in much of Europe, but instead we enter Daz Sampson and Jemini.

At least we get a choice, but generally it isn’t a very good one. I haven’t heard any of the entrants this year, although at the very least I have heard of some of them. This is therefore going to be a very interesting evening, liveblogged after the break.

Update: It’s 9:28. It’s time for the results! Will it be anything good?

Second update: No.

Continue reading “UK Eurovision 2007 – “Making Your Mind Up” time”

Coming up on The Hard Sell: a blog event

Yes! Tonight, to make up for the lack of blog content over the last month, I will be bringing you British Eurovision liveblogging in which I give opinions on our possible entrants in everyone’s favourite naff music contest. I will also finally take those XBMC screenshots and put up the article on that, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, however, I’m going to watch the last half of England/Wales. All I have to say about that is: Irish fans will probably be feeling a bit hard done by right now.

Sugababes vs. Girls Aloud – a match made in hell

It may be for charity, but it’s just wrong. I’m no Aerosmith or Run-DMC fan, but the original “Walk This Way” retooling worked, in its own way, because of the massive differential between the two bands’ styles. Sugababes and Girls Aloud are basically the same, so it doesn’t work at all; it’s lacking in both musical talent and enthusiasm, and the lack of enthusiasm is the real killer. This simply should not be allowed to exist.

I’m reserving opinion on the Kaiser Chiefs album for now; it’s getting terrible reviews from those who’ve heard the leak, “Ruby” is annoying and below-par, and worse than that it got a glowing X&Y type review from Q magazine, but that doesn’t make a difference until I’ve actually heard the thing. Song titles like “Love Is Not A Competition (But I’m Winning)” do not make me hopeful.

The Brit Awards 2007: how do we fix it?

Why should I even bother going after the Brit awards? After all, they’ve always been out of step, out of taste and completely irrelevant throughout all the years they have existed, even back when they were the BPI awards.

Well, mainly because a lot of the awards are voted for by the general public, and those that aren’t show a depressing lack of talent. For instance, the Best British Male this year is James Morrison, one of the many Blunt clones that are starting to pollute the charts, and amongst those nominated was Lemar who, let me remind you, came third in his “reality” show for a reason. The two decent nominees, Jarvis Cocker and Thom Yorke, both of whom released excellent solo albums last year, of course had no chance of winning.

Best International Breakthrough Artist, voted for by “MTV viewers”, gave us the pathetic, forgettable Orson over the musically interesting Gnarls Barkley. Best British Single had a truly terrible selection of nominees, all to a man (and they were only men) soft-rock garbage – depressingly including the resurrected Take That, who won, and probably deserved to over that lot. Best International Album was the Killers’ seriously inferior “Sam’s Town”, over Bob Dylan; the Killers also took Best International Artist over Bob, which on the basis of “Modern Times” is somewhat of a travesty.

What I don’t get about the Brits is that the BPI could, if it wanted to, award music that didn’t suck. It would be as easy as getting the right jury in. For instance, the best award by far is the one given out by Radio 2 listeners, Muse as best British live act (which they undoubtedly are right now); previous pleasant surprises by public vote have included the famous 1999 Belle and Sebastian “Best British Newcomer” win, rigged by their fanbase and ironically given out after their third album. So the Brits really needs better targeted public voting, and a better nominations stage – if Radio 2 and/or 6music listeners could nominate an “alternative Brit” award, for example, things would be a lot more interesting on stage.

And why isn’t there an award for hard rock and metal, anyway? Even the Grammys, boring as they are, give out awards for Best Metal Performance, which is often won by people like Tool. That would be a lot more fun than giving Oasis an award for outstanding contribution to British music (which obviously means, from the context, “ripping off other people’s riffs and being able to sustain it for two albums”.) Having an award with Iron Maiden competing is guaranteed to up the tempo a bit, although if it’s awarded the same way as the current system bloody Razorlight would probably win. They used to have Best Dance Act, awarded well to people like Massive Attack and the Prodigy; it became Best Urban Act, awarded to people like Joss Stone and Lemar, before dying this year.

The BPI are, of course, conservative and scared of controversy; the awards weren’t transmitted live between the 1989 Sam Fox disaster (although almost all of the problems with that were technical rather than personal) and now, and probably won’t be again for a while after they stupidly invited Russell Brand in. But controversy is all people ever remembers about the Brits – Sam Fox, the KLF and Extreme Noise Terror ‘dead sheep’ moment, Jarvis Cocker’s stage invasion, Chumbawumba and Prescott. They really shouldn’t be scared of it – a good award ceremony always has a few surprises in store, which is why moments like the Belle and Sebastian win are so memorable.

That appears to be, unfortunately, the way the British music industry works, so we probably won’t see it fixed for a while, if ever. Interestingly, the best British album award was given to the Overrated Bloody Arctic Monkeys, who won the Mercury prize a few months ago. The Mercurys are so much more credible than the Brits, aren’t they?

Apparently screening at SXSW

Amongst interesting stuff, a film I’m not sure anyone wants to see…

JAMES BLUNT: RETURN TO KOSOVO
Directed by Steven Cantor.
Platinum-selling musician (and former soldier) James Blunt, returns to the battlefield at which he served, for an emotional journey of reflection. (World Premiere)

Not the most appealing way to spend a few hours, really.

James Brown has died.

As the Tom Tom Club nearly put it: he was the Godfather of Soul, you know, so check it out.

And if there wasn’t James Brown, there wouldn’t be a “Funky Drummer” sample and there’s so much hip-hop that would simply not have happened without him; without soul  and funk samples, after all, a lot of music wouldn’t have happened at all, especially stuff like “Paul’s Boutique” or “Endtroducing”. It’s a great loss to music. Besides, anyone in The Blues Brothers deserves our lasting respect.